Love Me Not
by 1luv2write
Summary: Sun-Hi hears news that Renji has been badly injured. Even though they are no longer friends she still goes to see him to reveal a big secret she has. What is it that she has been holding back? Renji/OC oneshot. M for a sexual scene. Sorry I'm bad w/ sum.


**Love Me Not**

**(A/N: I do not own any of the Bleach characters, I just own the OC (and I know that the main character's name is Korean, sorry "-.-). This was just an idea that suddenly had come into my head and I had to get it down. It is a Renji/OC fan fic, so those who are Renji fans here you go, and those who aren't oh well. Also please note that I have no written anything in a while so this might be bad, but I figured that a one-shot would be good to start getting my creative juices flowing. So please Read and Review. Hope you like it. )**

Labored breaths escaped her lips while she walked as fast as she could to the room. Fear gripped her as new thoughts began to bombard her already crowded mind. Her loose ponytail continued to creep down the midnight black strands that it so desperately clung to. Shouts of protest attacked the struggling woman as she ignored the shooting pains that came from her abdomen.

"Please Sun-Hi fukutaicho, you mustn't run around in your condition. The doctor had said that the stress would not be good for you." said the nurse as she matched the woman's pace.

"I don't care! Where is his room?" she choked out as tears started to pool in her eyes.

"I will tell you where he is if you just slow down." Replied the nurse.

Slowing down, Sun-Hi's eyes looked down as images of how bad the situation might actually be for him. "I can't. Please understand, I have to see him. Oh god please let him be okay." She picked up her speed again as an image of his deathly pale face filled her mind's eyes. With a renewed fervor, she looked through every door that she passed.

Sighing in defeat, the nurse had grabbed a wheelchair that sat abandoned in the hallway. "Ms. Sun-Hi, please stop! I will take you to the room. Just please get off your feet, I will make sure that I am as swift as possible."

Finally stopping, she waddled over to the waiting chair. As soon as she sat down, the realization of how much stress she put on her body within the past few minutes began to set in as the pain of the extra weight that she had developed continued to hurt her back and knees. Giving the signal that she was set, the two started to briskly move along the maze of the 4th Squad building. _Please __be __safe__…__Renji. __You __can__'__t __die __now.__There __is __so __much __that __I __want __to__…__no __that __I __need __to __tell __you._

After about ten minutes of people and rooms flying by, the nurse just stopped outside of a door where several nurses and doctors rushed in and out of. Panic began to weave its way once again throughout Sun-Hi's body as she saw the blood on practically every one of the staff that came from the room.

"Please! Help me up! I need to go inside and be with him!" she cried while trying to struggle up from the chair. Knowing that there was no use in trying to stop her from moving, the nurse quickly assisted her up and into the room.

"Wait! You two can't go in there yet, the doctors are still in the middle of healing him. You have to wait until they are done." Instructed one of the attendants that was just leaving the room.

"No you don't understand! I have to be in there with him! He needs me!" she said.

"And you are not in a right state of mind to understand that if you go in there, you will be obstructing the staffs' ability to heal his wounds." The realization of those words stilled her movements and thoughts. Pulling her emotions back into check, Sun-Hi slid back into her seat and stared intently at the door. The nurse watching over her, gazing at the anxious woman with sympathy, she knew what it was like to have a strong urge of being at the side of someone who is important to you.

"Fukutaicho, is there anything that I can get for you while waiting?" Shaking her head, Sun-Hi kept her eyes on that one spot praying that everyone would finally leave the room and good news would come along with it. She must have stared at it for such a long time that she had fallen asleep, that it was not until the nurse was gently shaking her did she realize what had happened. "Fukutaicho, the doctors have left already. They informed me that his condition is now stable, but he is still unconscious. You are now free to visit him if you would like to; no one has come by yet to see him." With a quick nod, the nurse helped Sun-Hi to her feet. Even though her legs felt like they wanted to give way to the weight that was once again placed on them, she pushed herself to walk towards the threshold.

Before her eyes, the scene was almost too much for her heart to handle. The man that she had desperately wanted to see but too scared to face was laid out on a bed. Bandages covered his body; tubes hooked him up to machines that monitored his entire being; an oxygen mask placed over his mouth aiding him in trying to sustain what life remained in him. Yet, the expression that he had in his unconscious state allowed her anxieties to lessen to some degree. With every step that she took towards him, the tears gradually built up until she was right next to his bed and gently took his hand that did they finally fall.

"Renji! Thank god you're all right. I'm so happy to see you even though you're unconscious," she choked out as she tried to once again keep her emotions in check, "At least now I can make fun of you without you putting up a fight. Although if anyone passing by here saw me making fun of someone who was knocked out, they would probably think that I was weird; which is true but not as weird as you. But to be completely honest, you gave me quite a scare there for a moment; I thought that I was going to lose you. It was silly of me to think such a thing. Ha, you would probably attempt to scold me saying, 'Nothing can take me down! Not until I can surpass Byakuya-taicho!'"

The steady beats of the heart monitor filled the void that sound left behind as Sun-Hi started to slip into old memories. All of the times when Renji, Rukia, and her would play pranks, go out drinking, practice, study, and such played one by one in her mind. A smile crept on her face until the more recent memories were remembered. Images of Renji and Rukia spending more time together, of when Renji put himself at risk for Rukia, the smile that he always had on whenever she was around, all of the heated arguments that he would sometimes get into with Ichigo over her other best friend gradually caused her smile to fade. Then scenes of the night when her and Renji had both gotten drunk eight months ago started to play.

Her heart began to race as the memories of their clothes being ripped off each other; bodies coming together in the middle of his bed. The feel of his body on top of her, moving to an unheard rhythm; her nails digging into his flexing muscles with each thrust that sent shivers all throughout both of their bodies; the sounds of short breaths, skin meeting skin, animalistic noises filling the room; and climaxes being reached as both souls almost seemed to resonate with each other. The blissful moment ending with the look of what seemed to be love in his eyes as he held her close. Before falling asleep he softly said, "I love you…Rukia." Hearing those words that night had ripped her heart out. It was at that moment that she knew he would never love her the way she loved him. After making sure that he had fallen into a deep slumber, she had crept back to her own bed and tried to wash away the remains of a broken heart with her tears. It had been at that point where she remembered distancing herself from the two, and eventually ending their friendship in an argument that seemed to have severed their ties all together.

By this time, feelings of sadness and regret began to fill her stitched up heart as she began to cry for the man she had always loved, "Oh Renji, I'm so sorry that I messed up our friendship and let it come to this. I'm so sorry that I pushed you both away without even giving an excuse for my actions. I'm so sorry that I never had the guts to tell you how I really felt about you. But I had my reasons. God did I have my reasons. I knew that you only had room for Rukia in your heart so I couldn't bear to tell you the news. Because….because I knew that if I did, I would ruin your chances of being happy with someone you wanted to be with. I would rather see you happy all the time than either content or resentful towards me for the rest of our lives," she placed her other hand on her now large lower abdomen feeling a sudden kick as a sad smile set itself on her beautiful face, "I know it is selfish of me to keep my pregnancy a secret from everyone, especially you. But I did not want you to feel obligated to stay by my side when we both know in your heart where you would want to really be. The only reason that I am telling you this now is because I know that I most likely have a fifty-fifty, if not sixty-forty, chance that you won't remember anything that I have said. You won't remember that I was here to both apologize and ask for forgiveness of all the wrongs that I did and will do to you."

A few seconds passed before she bent down to give him a kiss. And with her last moments with him she took in every detail, from his relaxed muscular arms, to his strong nose and chin, to the lightening shaped markings from his eyebrows to his hairline, and finally to his beautiful long red hair that could make even the most breathtaking god feel jealous. Oh how she loved his hair, especially when it was free from its restricting confines. Every time she would stumble upon him relaxing, a strong temptation to take his ponytail out and run her fingers through his silky locks all day would set in. And now she had that chance.

With a trembling hand, her fingers caressed the locks that she so longed to feel once again. It was just as she had remembered them, like red silk ribbons. Without realizing it, she had gotten lost in her own thoughts until a familiar reiatsu entered the premises. The heart monitor sounds suddenly quickened only solidifying her thoughts and causing her own heart to break all over again. _You __were __waiting __and __hoping __that __she __would __come __didn__'__t __you. __You __will __only __ever __see __her __and __never __me. __I __would __have __given __you __my __whole __heart. __If __only __I __had __the __courage __to __tell __you __that __I __love __you, __but __instead __I__'__m __going __to __be __a __coward __and __tell __you __good-bye._ And with a final kiss placed on his forehead and a gentle squeeze of his hand, Sun-Hi turned her back on the one man that had been her best friend and love of her life since the day they first met.

Waddling out of the room, she asked the nurse to quickly assist her out of the Fourth Squad before anyone, especially Rukia, saw her. With silent tears in her eyes, head held high, she thought, _Good-bye __Renji, __I __hope __that __you __are __able __to __have __the __love __that __you __wanted. __If __you __can __do __that, __then __I __can __be __content __without __you __and __move __on._Just as she turned the corner, a certain noble woman came rushing around the other end of the hallway and into the room that was just emptied.

The nurse pushing her chair could feel the sad air that surrounded the beautiful woman. For some reason, even though she did not know her, the nurse had come to feel sad for Sun-Hi after watching the silent scene in the room just a few minutes ago. With the hopes of being able to give the fukutaicho some kind of comfort, she gently placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed it. In response a soft hand covered hers and a silent thank you could be felt from that simple touch. _I __will __not __look __back __no __matter __what __because __I __have __something __even __more __precious __that __needs __me, __and __that __I __know __will __love __me._Touching her large abdomen, she knew that things were going to get better for them…all of them.

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><p><strong>Hey guys, so what did you think? Like I said this was just in my head and I had to get it out. Who knows, I might put this in a story or something. I don't know. Please tell me what you think. Oh also if you're going to be critical please be at least nicepositive about it. Thanks. **


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